Pixels are Red, Some are Blue; I Hate Twitter and So Should You

Yes, it’s true. Not only was that an awesome rhyme that took me longer than I care to admit to think up, but the sentiment describes exactly my feelings for Twitter and the new “Microblogging” trend.

Here’s the thing: I didn’t really think much of blogging either when it first started out, and there’s still a lot about it that drives me batty. The fact of the matter is, 90% of blogs, probably including this one, are boring people whining about boring things. That said, the effect of blogging and other Web 2.0 initiatives on our culture borders on alarming. The sway that bloggers held in the recent election alone is enough to give one pause, and I have to say I really like that everyday people are finally able to have some power over our world.

Twitter, on the other hand, is unbelievably annoying. It is banal, pointless, and a complete waste of bandwidth. The basic idea is that you have this page and you make a post every time you do something- the more trivial the better. I think the reason Twitter has become so popular is that people really, really like the idea that someone, anyone, really cares enough about them to want to know what they are doing every moment of every day. Of course, in reality no one does, because nine times out of ten they’re just a boring loser, but Twitter at least allows them to delude themselves with daydreams of importance. I have no doubt that, in the scheme of things, I am also a boring loser, but at least I have the self respect not to try to convince myself I’m anything but. I can really only think of two people who would actually like to know what I’m doing every hour of everyday, and if I wanted them to know, I wouldn’t have left home! Besides, I think even my parents would eventually lose interest because my Twitter feed would look something like this:

Sarai (9:30) – My alarm just went off. Bah, gotta get out of bed. Think I lost my keys again.

Sarai (10:11)- Eating breakfast in the café- cinammon rolls again! Out of milk, though.

Sarai (11:04)- In class. God, my professor’s voice is monotonous. That man could make immunology boring.

Sarai (11:46)- Pwning some n00bs. Getting carpal tunnel syndrome from playing too many video games.

Sarai (12:33)- Changing the icons in my word processor to match the icons on my desktop.

Sarai (1:09)- Writing some blog about Twitter than no one will ever read.

And so on and so forth. Thus, I propose a rule: in order to receive a twitter account, one must prove to the online community that one is either interesting, famous, or really, really hot. This process must involve, at minimum, a criminal background check, five writing samples, and a colonoscopy WITHOUT anesthetics. That’ll weed out the boring people!